Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning, for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk, for I give myself to you. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. May your gracious Spirit lead me forward on a firm footing.
Psalms 143:8, 10 NLT
Sometimes, the world feels like it’s falling apart, but, at ALL times, He has a plan, He is working wonders, and He is with me; therefore, I surrender my expectations to the will of my Father, the only one who knows my tomorrow, the one who has written my future, the one who holds me safely in His hand.
These last few weeks have been rough for me. I’ve been struggling with my depression, combating the stress of school, wrestling with inner doubts and questions, and, to top it all off, I have the flu. Go figure, right? Thanks to medication (Thank the Lord for Tamiflu!) and lots of self-care, I was finally reviving into a functional human being.
And then, my mom called and dropped a bomb on me that shook everything.
Mom: “Was that rhetorical, or did you actually not hear me?”
Me: “No, I heard you. I just wanted you to tell me it’s not true.”
Now, the details of that bomb are too personal to share here, but the details aren’t the point, anyway, so what do they matter? The details aren’t what inspired me to write; my reaction to them is. As soon as I hung up the phone, I let my tears run free, I bawled my eyes out, and I prayed to God. I asked Him the age-old question He somehow never tires of hearing from us when we’re going through tough time; I asked Him, “Why?”
I didn’t get a straight answer. I didn’t get any answer that in any way fit what I wanted, but I did get an answer. Without any hesitation, I grabbed my phone, went to YouTube, and looked up the song God put on my heart in response to my fervent question:
Like I said, not exactly a straightforward answer, but it is still an answer, and it is still comforting. Why? I’ll tell you:
Any answer means He heard my cry and recognized my need for an immediate reply.
This song is a reminder to me that He has a greater plan than any I could begin to imagine.
Through this song,God reminded me where my faith should be: in His will. His will is greater than my own. My will only seeks the snapshot of life I can visualize. His will serves the biggest picture that serves us all.
Verse Two. All of it. Life doesn’t always feel good, and it’s hard to “count it all joy” when it doesn’t, but God is always good because God is always God.
Though the sorrow may last for the night, His joy comes in the Morning!” Psalms 30:5
This “night” may last days or weeks or years in our eyes, but I believe in the morning He has promised. I will not lose hope for I know the One whom I call Saviour, Redeemer, Master, and King.
Even when it’s hard, even when I don’t feel I can be, even when my heart is broken and my soul is hurting, I will rejoice, I will be glad, in the presence of the Lord.
He is El Sheddai. He rules over every part of my life, every part of my world. The pain and the darkness may last for the night, but the joy of the Lord – MY Lord – will last forever (See Psalms 30:5). He restores my soul, and I will praise Him – through the storm, through the fire, through it all (See Psalms 23:3).
It’s been a hard week for me and for my family. Tuesday morning, I lost my grandma. The possibility had been there – she had been sick – but she had been getting better, and I just wasn’t prepared. I’ve been fighting to keep myself together, and I have lost that fight and gone to pieces more than a few times. Sunday morning, I broke down during service when we sang “Wonderful Peace” because I just have not been able to find that God-given peace. I can’t understand why. I know she has finally reached her better, and I know she’d tell me not to worry because all is well now that’s she’s with the King, but the truth of the matter is that it doesn’t matter how much I know these things, I also know that the pain of her loss is still heavy on my heart regardless of how much I know.
When I hit the altar yesterday morning, I told God how much I’m struggling to find His peace, and he reminded me:
“You are not in this fight alone. Lean on those who love you: your friends, your family, and especially your church. They are in place at my command to help you through.”
For these God-sent people, I am ever thankful.
My eyes are red and raw, but I will carry on with the strength of the Lord my God, my Keeper, my Provider, my ever-present help in times of need.
I’ve been debating about posting this here or elsewhere or not at all. I considered just posting it straight to Pinterest, but I realized there’s way too much to say about the process for that. I know it’s, in done ways, incredibly off topic from what I originally created this blog for, but at the same time, this blog is supposed to be my journey, and this is certainly a part of my journey, in more ways than one. With that being said, welcome to my first crafting post!
This was my anniversary gift to my boyfriend this year. I made it using odd decor items I found at Michael’s, with the exception of the E which is two wooden letters from JoAnn’s glued together and wrapped with jute. The board is from an old building on his family’s farm that finally fell last April: I printed what is probably my favorite picture of the two of us to put in the frame. It was taken at our friends’ wedding, and it’s not the one we were fully posing for. Someone made us laugh right before the picture was taken, and that makes it so much better. We laugh – a lot! It’s one of my favorite parts of our relationship, and I’m glad someone captured one of our moments.
The whole idea for this project kind of came together accidentally. I started with the L, the frame, and the keys to make something for my own wall, but then, as I was messing with their arrangement, I realized they could spell “Love,” a word and concept that had been incredibly present in my life lately.
I’ve found that I am absolutely surrounded with love. I have a wonderful family, a fantastic group of friends, and the most amazing and God-fearing man any girl could ask for. Then, above all that, I am loved unconditionally and unceasingly by my Awesome Father, and that’s something that constantly leaves my heart overflowing with grace, adoration, and thankfulness.
While the initial point of this point was to share my crafting creation, the main point is recognizing the wonderful life I have been blessed to live. I thank God for that every day because I see time and time again the experiences and hardships of others.
In times of trouble and trial, I will remember the love my God has blessed me with, both from his arms and from those He has placed in my life to love me here on earth.
I was talking to friends this evening, and I couldn’t help but think about how many times I’ve messed up and how many times I’ve had to face God, saying, “Hey, I did it again… Will you still take me back? I understand if you won’t…” And, you know what? He always takes me back. Why? Because He LOVES me, and He is the source of unending grace and mercy that covers far more trespasses than I ever deserve to be forgiven for… and yet, He forgives me – every time.
Even in our darkest hours, God had a plan. Every time we’ve stumbled, He already knew how to work that to our advantage. He makes all things work together for our good because we love Him and long to serve Him (Romans 8:28).
Does that mean we should keep messing up because we know He’ll take us back? No, of course not! We should always strive to do better, to BE better, but what that does mean is that we don’t have to be perfect!
We don’t have to constantly live in fear of our mistakes because He loves us anyway, through it all! Jesus gave his LIFE before we ever knew Him, before we ever turned our life to His path for us. While we were yet sinners, He gave the ultimate sacrifice in OUR place (Romans 5:8). Yeah, we’re going to get tripped up sometimes, but that’s okay. Stand right back up, dust yourself off, get back on the path, and keep on trucking!